Listen to the little voice
5 years ago today I was in Seattle, WA dipping my toes in a life-long dream. I'd wrapped up a few successful interviews and made an offer on a new house. I had coffee at Storyville in Pike Place Market, and thought about what the next years may hold in my new pacific northwest life.
This morning, I watched the sun rise this morning over the Aegean Sea from the stone wall that surrounds our sitting area. The cats wound their way around my legs and the air was crisp post-rain storm. My fiancé was sleeping upstairs in our cozy bed and I was excited about a few hours of quiet work-time ahead.
What started as a bold move to Washington set off a domino effect I never could have predicted. Seattle feels like a life-time ago. And honestly? It was.
Who I was then would never have even dared to dream a fraction of my current reality. And I thought I was pretty far out there with bold dreams! I want to go back and hug that then-self, to whisper in her ear that she's going the right way.
Moving out of state, leaving my job, walking away from the equity I had in that company, moving away from my family and friends, selling and buying another home - it all seemed so risky and terrifying. I had no idea that in another year I would move to another state, buy and sell another home, get a divorce, quit corporate life completely and embark on a series of life-changing adventures. I definitely had no idea that in 5 years time I'd be living on a Greek island, engaged to the love of my life who I met ages ago and doing my life's work.
Me then? She wasn't capable of all of that yet. She was so stressed she was having heart issues. She was starting to teeter from having anxiety and self-doubt to self-loathing. She was terrified of the steps in front of her and she felt like she was gambling on faith alone. Faith that working 12 hour days back-to-back wasn't the right way. Faith that living with a lower cost of living would be a game-changer. Faith that moving somewhere more aligned with values, pace of life and overall vibe would make every day better. Faith that she was worthy of attempting to try out a life-long dream of living somewhere she loved.
And wow, was that faith tested!
The week before I moved I was in a major car accident. My car was totaled and it was a miracle we were alive and relatively unharmed. My father in law had a major accident. My mom fractured her shoulder. My husband had shoulder surgery and had to manage the movers and wrap up the house for sale. But - I got the job. We signed the house. The job paid for the movers to pack and move everything.
Within a few weeks, I found myself in my new house in Washington with my cats, a handful of clothes, an air mattress and a whole lot of time to think. With that single, bold move - I permanently shifted the course of my life. It wasn't the first time I'd bet on myself, but it was the VERY first time I'd made such a massive change solely for the purpose of pleasing myself.
I'd always wanted to live in the Pacific Northwest. I'd always wanted more forest, more trails to run, more nature to immerse myself in. I'd always loved the vibe of folks up in the PNW and I knew it would be a good fit for me. I knew staying at the job I was at was going to kill me - and that timeline seemed to be increasing rapidly. I had no idea that it was the first snowflake of the avalanche of change to come.
Those first two weeks I spent alone for the first time since I got married. I spent copious amounts of time staring at the maple tree out back - it's leaves a mix of gold and umber. I marveled at the cedars towering in our back yard. Deer nosed their way through the grass at dawn. For the first time in forever, I had only myself to think about. What did I want to eat? When did I want to run? What music did I want to listen to? It was like waking up from a long, deep, stressful sleep.
These memories are close to my heart and deeply personal, but I can't think of a bigger wish than to share them with you in hopes that somewhere deep in you a tiny voice gets heard. If there’s a whisper in you—listen. You don’t need to be ready or have all the tools. You just need to listen.
Your version may not look like mine, but the feeling is the same—the call to live more fully. If this struck a chord with you, I'd love to hear about it - I read every email you send and you're never alone.
xo, Rose
