Social Media: Unpopular Opinion
Social media isn’t the problem. Your attention is.
What once was a convenient way to stay in touch through our increasingly busy lives has become something that can be extremely negative or even harmful to many.
As a cheerful person, I often get asked, “How are you on social media so much, and so seemingly happy?”
The secret? There’s a few things I’ll unpack below because they really tie in to some of the core philosophies and practices I carry through the rest of my life.
Your Attention is Your Most Precious Resource
I’m 45. I hope to live until at least 90. That means I only have about 16,500 days left in my life (that is not nearly enough time)! I can spend my time however I want but I know I also must guard my precious time against anyone and anything that wants to use it from me unwittingly. The older I get? The more fiercely protective I am over my time.
I don’t doom scroll.
I don’t deep-read the news.
I don’t sit around watching things that make me feel worse.
Not because I’m disciplined. Because I’m protective.
Everyone wants your clicks, your view time, and to show you ads during your watch time. That means whether you like it or not, comment or not, hate it or not - if you watched - they got what they wanted from you. So choose wisely. I know some rather unhappy folks who are practically addicted to watching, consuming, and posting content about people and situations they hate. It’s wild. It’s an ouroboros of unhappiness.
Unsubscribe from what isn’t healthy
Mark content as irrelevant
Stop looking for what you don’t want more of
Limit your participation
If it’s draining you, close it
Make Conscious Choices
Free will is freaking amazing, right? But it has to start with awareness.
I’m very aware that I’m being advertised to all the time. If you watch TV and movies, you are getting low-key advertisements nonstop when your favorite character reaches for a branded drink or gets in their branded car or pulls on a branded shoe. YouTubers are offering reviews (and yes, getting paid) for showing you different items you may or may not need. Influencers are selling you on the best way to do your hair, how to quit your job, and why their program is the best one of all time.
It’s up to YOU to separate out what you want. If an influencer inspires me? Great! If they’re selling me their $1,500 program to make my first million and it looks like they’re filming in their mom’s basement? Not for me. If it makes you feel crappy about yourself? Skip it.
Remember - it is your time!!!
Use it To Your Advantage
My two favorite ways to use social media?
) I freaking LOVE cheering people on.
I love it. I want to see the cool thing you’re doing, the new dog you got, the run you went on, the dinner you made, the scary thing you’re conquering, the goofy photos that your kids think are cringy. I’m excited for you!
I love sharing my unconventional life.
I grew up not seeing the kind of life I wanted to live, the kind of work I wanted to do, the kind of relationship I wanted to have. It costs me vulnerability, but if it inspires someone else, it’s worth it!
Both of these things have been game changers for me. When you actively encourage people in whatever they are doing - it feels good to you and to them. There is so much in this world designed to separate us from each other, to force us to compete against one another, and to seek out the differences. When you take back control of your attention and how you use it, you have this marvelous gift and the algorithm stops showing you shit you don’t want to see. If you keep doom scrolling, you will get an increasing flood of doom. You are in charge of what you get.
The Science Behind This Idea
Research consistently shows that doing something kind for someone else improves your own mood and well-being. In studies by Sonja Lyubomirsky and colleagues, participants who intentionally performed acts of kindness reported higher levels of happiness and life satisfaction than those who did not. These effects aren’t just momentary; repeated acts of kindness have been shown to reduce stress, decrease over-thinking, and improve overall mental health, because they shift your focus away from yourself and toward connection.
At the same time, research in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and attention bias demonstrates that what we consistently focus on shapes how we experience reality. The brain’s filtering systems, including the reticular activating system, prioritize information that aligns with our existing focus and beliefs, meaning we are more likely to notice what we are already looking for. Studies by researchers such as Robert Emmons show that individuals who intentionally direct attention toward positive aspects of their lives (through practices like gratitude) report greater happiness, better sleep, and improved well-being.
Your actions and how you spend your attention shape your thoughts.
Your thoughts shape your reality.
My Challenge to You
I’m challenging you to go forward and try to say 5 nice things to people (this is great offline too).
People you know, people you don’t know, whatever! Let them know their outfit is super cute, their dog is adorable, that you think they’re braving for sharing something, that their business is neat, that you love their work, that you feel the same way about whatever they said.
People often tell me that my life looks like magic. And it is. But my magic? It’s in my attention. That’s it.
Regardless of how you feel about social media, I encourage you to step up your awareness of how you are spending your sweet time, how you can take back control of your mind, and how you can use your resources for increasing the good in your life (and the world).
With love,
PS: Please feel free to share this article, leave a comment below or send me a direct message anytime!
